Grief During the Holidays
Finding your way through a tender season
The holidays are often described as a time of joy, togetherness and tradition. For those who are grieving, they can feel very different. When someone you love is missing, the season can highlight that absence in quiet and unexpected ways: through familiar songs, traditions or an empty chair at the table.
If you are grieving this holiday season, or supporting someone who is, know this: there is no right way to experience the holidays, and there is no timetable for grief. Compassion - for yourself and for others - matters more than expectations.
If You Are Grieving
Grief has a way of showing up differently during the holidays. You may feel sadness, numbness, anger or even moments of joy followed by guilt. All of these are normal.
A few gentle ways to care for yourself:
Give yourself permission to choose. You are allowed to say yes to gatherings, say no, or leave early. Do what feels manageable this year, even if it looks different from past holidays.
Honor your loved one in a way that feels right. Lighting a candle, sharing a favorite story or setting aside a quiet moment can be meaningful. You don’t have to follow anyone else’s idea of remembrance.
Lower expectations, especially your own. The holidays do not have to be joyful or productive to be “successful.” Getting through the day is enough.
Accept support when it’s offered. Whether it’s a meal, a walk or a listening ear, allowing others to help can ease some of the weight.
Seek extra support if needed. Grief can feel heavier during this season. Reaching out to a counselor, support group or hospice bereavement service can help you feel less alone.
If You Are Supporting Someone Who Is Grieving
It’s not always easy to know what to say or do when someone you care about is grieving - especially during the holidays. Your presence matters more than having perfect words.
Here are a few ways to offer meaningful support:
Acknowledge their loss. Saying the name of the person who died and recognizing the difficulty of the season can be deeply comforting.
Listen more than you speak. You don’t need to fix their pain. Just being willing to hear and hold space for it is a gift.
Avoid placing expectations on their grief. There is no timeline, and no requirement to “be festive” or “stay positive.”
Offer specific help. Instead of “Let me know if you need anything,” try “Can I bring dinner on Thursday?” or “Would you like company on a walk?”
Be patient. Grief doesn’t end when the holidays are over. Continue to check in after the season passes.
Grief and love are closely connected, and the holidays can remind us of both. Whether you are grieving or walking alongside someone who is, kindness - to yourself and to others - can make this season feel a little less heavy.
If you or someone you love could benefit from additional support, reach out. Family members of Cascade Health patients are always welcome to access our bereavement support, or consider seeing a counselor in our Counseling department. You do not have to navigate this season alone.