Back when medical science was minimal, people were a lot more comfortable with the idea of serious illness and dying. Death was as much a fact as was life. So, when faced with these tragic events, much of their care was in the form of keeping someone as comfortable as possible until they succumbed to the inevitable.
As technology advanced, life became the norm. Today, people are expected to be well. But what do you do when someone you know is chronically ill, seriously ill, or dying? It's not likely that you can help minimize their physical pain. But what can you do to comfort them?
Give them permission to accept reality. Sometimes people don't deal with their sickness or death because those closest to them are unwilling to allow them to be sick or to die. A simple statement giving someone permission to die can release them to begin making preparations.
Say your goodbyes. Don't wait until your loved one worsens or dies and then wish you'd said how much you care. Use this opportunity to let them know how much you appreciate them, what you like about them, how much they've influenced your life.
Help them get their affairs in order. Are financial matters concerning them? Is the clutter in the home getting them down? Maybe they need friends to provide food for their family. Or maybe they want to make plans for their funeral. Offer to do what you can to lighten their load.
One area often overlooked is the importance of reconciliation. Now is the time to restore a damaged relationship.
Help them accomplish what's important. This differs with each person and situation. Someone might want to chronicle his or her life events or have a family photo taken. Others may want to bicycle across the state, climb every mountain above 10,000 feet, or learn to play chess. Do what is possible.
Listen. When they talk, they're probably not looking for you to solve any problems. They may not care if you agree or disagree with them. Be still, keep quiet, and let them tell you whatever is on their mind.
Share spiritual oneness. When appropriate, tell them about your spiritual journey, and listen as they relate their spiritual experience. You can pray for them personally and privately. When appropriate, pray with them. |
