As you grow older, there will be an increasing number of friends and family members who will become ill, injured, or die. You will have to cope with the loss of many loved ones. Many older people become the last survivors of a whole generation in their family. That can be very difficult and stressful.
No one is immune from the feelings of loss and grief, although individuals handle those feelings in different ways. You can't avoid grief, but you can learn how to live with it.
The Stages of Grief
The grief that comes with the loss of a loved one can seem unbearable, but it is actually a part of the healing process. The loss may come suddenly from an accident or heart attack, or be the result of a long illness such as cancer. Grief is emotional suffering resulting from a real or perceived loss. Grief follows a similar emotional progression for most people.
The stages and processes of grieving have become well known since Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross published her famous book, On Death and Dying in 1969. Dr. Kubler-Ross outlined five distinct stages in the grieving process. The time spent grieving and the specific stages any particular individual experiences may differ, but there are many commonalities for the majority of those in the grieving process.
- Denial and Isolation – You deny the reality of the loss, and you might withdraw from family and friends. You can't or won't believe that this person is actually gone. This stage might last only a few moments, or it might go on for weeks.
- Anger – You might become upset and angry. The anger might even be focused on the person who died for leaving you. Or, you might blame yourself and turn the anger inward. This anger is not rational, but it can be very strong and long lasting.
- Bargaining – You might try to bargain with the supernatural. "I will do anything if you just take away my loss." This could be related to your own feelings of guilt, the belief that you could have done more, or that you could have done something to prevent the loss.
- Depression – You feel numb, down, and totally discouraged. Life without your loved one doesn't seem worth living. It might seem like you'll never be happy again. You have few interests and little energy.
- Acceptance – After a period of time, months or even years, you come to accept the reality of the loss and get on with your life.
You might not go through every stage. The important thing is to eventually get to the Acceptance stage. During the grieving process you might have strong and conflicting feelings such as sorrow, anger, loneliness, shame, anxiety, and guilt. All of this is normal, and it usually passes. Trying to deny or hide your feelings can make the grieving process more difficult.
It Takes Time
Grief is natural and important, but it can't stay the focus of your life.
- Get help when you need it. Talk with your friends, a counselor, your doctor, or your spiritual leader. Talking openly with someone who cares can help you work through your feelings. This can accelerate the process and make it a little less painful.
- Don't neglect your own needs. Eat right, exercise, get enough rest, and spend time with family and friends. Maintaining personal health is crucial in coping with this difficult time.
- Take care of practical considerations. Even in the midst of grief, you might have to deal with the legal and technical realities of life. You might want a lawyer to help you with all the necessary legal aspects of wills, social security, veteran's benefits, credit cards, insurance claims, the need for a Death Certificate, and the many other legal necessities when a spouse or dependent dies.
Most people, with personal courage and appropriate help, work their way through the grieving process and emerge strong and productive. Nobody wants to go through grieving, but nearly everybody does. |
