Your girl is becoming a mom. You likely have had some strong emotions since you found out: surprise, frustration, excitement, anger, grief, and anticipation, to name a few. Some parents blame themselves or wonder where they went wrong. Others criticize their child and scapegoat the child's partner. Still other parents support their child emotionally as she struggles with and makes adult decisions.
As you're adjusting to the news of your young daughter's pregnancy, keep in mind that this is not an easy time for her. Not only does she face the same fears of any first-time mom; she also faces the issues of an unplanned pregnancy and as an unwed mom. She has peer pressure, financial pressure, school pressure, family pressure, and possibly religious pressure. She's likely feeling rejection and isolation – especially if her sexual partner denies that the baby is his, or shirks his financial responsibilities. She could be mourning the loss of her childhood. All the while, she's trying to figure out what's best for her and her baby.
How to Help Your Daughter
- Be clear about the support you are willing and able to offer.
- Give helpful advice only when asked.
- Discuss options with her, if she wants you to. She might be trying to sort out her feelings on adoption, single parenting, marrying the baby's dad, or terminating the pregnancy and need someone to act as a sounding board.
- Remember whose baby it is. You had your child. This is your daughter's child.
- Do not treat your daughter as a child. She has made adult choices. Allow her adult responsibilities and consequences.
- Be there for her – regardless of her decision. Let her know that even though you might not agree with her choice, you still love her.
- Don't criticize and judge her. She's probably doing enough of that to herself already.
- Don't tell her "I know how you feel" unless you've been in her shoes.
- Help her arrange for medical coverage. Many insurance plans will not cover a child's pregnancy.
- Help her contact support services. Your state or county social services can offer assistance for housing, food stamps, healthcare, parenting training, and more.
- Offer to help her check out schooling options. Many schools offer adapted programs (including tutoring) for pregnant teens and teen moms. Or, she might be interested in an alternative schooling program, home schooling, or getting a GED.
- Offer help only when it's needed, and even then, don't assume your help is always wanted.
- Find a friend who can encourage you.
If Your Child Is the Father
- Be clear about the support you are willing and able to offer.
- Give helpful advice only when asked.
- Discuss options with him and the baby's mother, if they want you to. They might be trying to sort out their feelings on adoption, single parenting, getting married, or terminating the pregnancy, and need someone to act as a sounding board.
- Remember whose baby it is. You had your child. This is your son's child.
- Do not treat your son as a child. He made adult choices. Allow him adult responsibilities and consequences.
- Don't criticize or judge.
- Let him know that even though you might not agree with his choice, you still love him.
- Encourage him to take financial responsibility.
|
