Too often, adult children wait until a parent is seriously ill before making care plans. The best time to start planning is when mom and dad are healthy and fully functional.
Talk with your parents to find out the answers to the following questions:
- Who should make financial and medical decisions on their behalf?
- Have they determined what should be done with their property after their death?
- Do they want life-sustaining treatment if they have a terminal condition?
- If they have a choice, where do they want to be when they die? Where do they want to be buried?
Miscommunication can lead to frustration and anger. As your parents get older, it might become more difficult to communicate with them, especially if they suffer from dementia. It is often difficult for parents to ask adult children for help because:
- Older parents tend to see themselves as more independent and needing less help than do their children.
- Older parents are less likely to see their children as helpful than the children see themselves.
- Adult children are likely to offer more help and information to their parents than their parents are willing to accept.
Regardless of the accuracy of the perceptions of older parents or adult children, differences in perspective can lead to problems in making viable plans. Older parents almost certainly will get weaker and have more health problems as time goes by. It is important to start talking and planning before an emergency occurs.
What Services Are Available?
To avoid overburdening yourself with your parents' care, other services are available.
- Homemakers and home care aides are available in most communities to come in and cook, do laundry, run errands, shop, and help with bathing, dressing, and other daily chores. The cost of this help will vary.
- Senior centers or other agencies can provide inexpensive or free companionship services – someone to call or visit on a regular basis.
- Transportation can often be coordinated through a senior center or other senior agencies. This would include wheelchair vans for those who can't walk. Services normally include taking seniors to the doctor, shopping, senior center activities, or adult day care centers. There is usually a fee for this and it varies widely.
- Home health aides can perform personal care and medical tasks such as giving medicines. Individual health insurance, Medicare, or Medicaid might cover this cost.
- Hospice care is available for individuals with terminal conditions, and who are expected to live six months or less. This service also provides counseling and information for families. Currently, Medicare and Medicaid pay for hospice-eligible individuals.
- In-home nursing and therapy can help with serious medical and physical conditions. It can cost $85 or more for each visit, but, when required and prescribed, is usually covered by Medicare or Medicaid.
- Adult Day Services can provide care during the day for seniors who live at home or with a caregiver at night. Meals, recreation, limited health care, socialization, and counseling might be provided. The cost can be $50 a day or more.
What Are the Legal Issues?
Most older people believe that they will always have control of their lives and be able to make personal, legal, and financial decisions. That is not necessarily the way life is. Children who take on a caregiver role should consider these legal changes:
- Banking access is important. A parent can make an adult child a joint owner of their bank accounts to ensure that bills get paid in an emergency. Access to safe-deposit boxes might also be important.
- Durable Power of Attorney gives one or more people the authority to handle finances, property, or personal matters in case a parent becomes incapacitated. Making these provisions while your parent can still understand and agree to the conditions is important. Many lawyers specialize in Senior Law and can help draft these documents. Legal assistance is often available through the AARP, governmental agencies, or senior centers at reduced cost.
- A living will directs doctors to withhold, withdraw, or refrain from starting life-sustaining treatment should a person be diagnosed with a terminal condition and unable to make decisions for themselves. It can make difficult health decisions easier at a time of crisis.
- Talk with governmental agencies such as Medicare and Medicaid to find out what will make your parents eligible for assistance. There are numerous laws, rules, and regulations to be considered.
Summary
Taking care of older parents is becoming more common as people live longer. There can be rewards, and there can be difficulties. Be prepared. Start talking to your older parents before they become disabled, seek legal assistance, and start planning for the inevitable. There are no absolutes. What is best for one older parent might not be the right thing for another. |
