Should parents of a terminally ill child talk about death with their child? That difficult question is faced by parents who are in the midst of coping with their own feelings of their child's death and struggling to support and comfort their dying child.
Several studies have found that children benefit when parents communicate openly and honestly about the consequences of the child’s illness, and that includes terminally ill children. The International Society of Pediatric Oncology recommends that parents communicate honestly with dying child about the prognosis.
Parents at Peace
Research suggests that doing so is good for parents as well as the dying child. A study involving 449 parents who had lost a child to cancer found that parents who talked about death with their terminally child feel more at peace following the child’s death than those who didn’t. None of those who did so regretted it.
On the other hand, 27 percent of the parents who had not talked with their child about dying from cancer wished they had. The parents who most likely regretted their decision were those who sensed their child was aware of his or her upcoming death. Parents who did not talk with the child, even after sensing the child was aware of his condition, had an increased incidence of depression following the child’s death.
Influencing Factors
The age of the child was the most influential factor for parents who decided to not talk with the child about the impending death. Parents of older children were more likely to have talked with them about death than were parents of younger children. Another strong factor was whether the parents thought the child perceived their terminal condition.
Parents who had talked about death with their child were more likely to have sensed that their child was aware of his or her imminent death, and they were likely to be religious, on sick leave, or retired. They were also older than parents who had not talked about death and had an older child.
Talking about a child’s upcoming death is good for the kids. “Evidence suggests that accurate information about the expected course of the disease is beneficial for most children, perhaps because it allows their inner lives (i.e., the awareness of their imminent death) and the outer world (i.e., the information they receive from healthcare workers and parents) to become congruent, thereby preventing frustration,” according to the study authors.
Talking about a child’s upcoming death is good for the parents. “Parents who seek advice – "Should I, or should I not, talk with my child about death?" – might benefit from knowing that no parent in this study regretted having talked about it,” they concluded. |
