Weddings. Birthdays. Thanksgiving. Graduations. Fourth of July family reunions. Each of these times can remind you of an absent loved one or of the way things used to be. Some memories are happy. Other memories can be painful. Either way you feel loss.
Grief and loss can be felt because of any number of situations, including death of a loved one, divorce, "empty nest," being laid off, losing a pet, or a recent move to a new town.
Holidays and other special occasions can intensify feelings of grief or bring out feelings of grief when you might have thought you were finished mourning your loss. If you're looking toward the holidays or other special days and wondering how you can get through them, you might feel angry, guilty, or depressed.
Helpful Strategies
It's important for you to remember that there is no single way to manage your grief during special occasions. The key to coping is to decide what will work for you. Here are some ideas from the Hospice Foundation of America that might help you cope:
- Plan for the approaching holidays. This might be a difficult time for you. The additional stress might affect you emotionally, cognitively, and physically. This is a normal reaction. Be prepared.
- Recognize that the holidays might not be the same. Expecting everything to seem the same might lead to disappointment. Doing things a bit differently can acknowledge the change while preserving continuity with the past.
- Be careful not to isolate yourself. It's all right to take time for yourself, but don't cut yourself off from the support of family and friends.
- The holidays might affect other family members. Talk over your plans and share your feelings. Respect other's choices and needs, and compromise if necessary.
- Avoid additional stress. Decide what you really want to do, and what can be avoided.
More Ideas
- If you don't feel you can handle a whirlwind of activity, let your friends and family know. For example, accept a limited number of invitations to holiday parties.
- Simplify. Buy a pumpkin pie instead of making one. Shop for presents from catalogs and off the Internet.
- Change traditions. Some people find comfort in doing things they way they've always been done. Others need change. When deciding which traditions or rituals to keep, consider other family members – especially children.
- Speak freely of your loss. It's common for people to avoid discussing the death of a spouse, for example. It frees you and them to deal openly with the grief.
- Help others. You could volunteer to read stories to school children, make food baskets in cooperation with your community's food drive, or arrange to serve food at a local shelter.
- Be physical. Exercise is an excellent way to work out stress or anger.
- Rest. Dealing with intense emotions places heavy demands on your mind and body. Set a time for going to bed, and stick with it – regardless of what doesn't get done.
- Eat well. Resist the urge to over-eat or under-eat.
- Feel. If you're sad and need to cry, go ahead. If you need to talk, find a good friend or trusted counselor.
- Give yourself permission to have fun. Laughing and enjoying yourself doesn't betray the feelings you had for your deceased loved one.
- Be patient. Don't rush through your grief. Give yourself time to grieve and heal.
Afterward
The days and months after a significant special occasion – such as a birthday – could bring on more depression. Plan a special time to be with friends a week or so following your anniversary. Consider going on an annual January weekend retreat with friends or family to lessen post-holiday blues.
Cherish the good memories, and allow yourself to create new memories with those who love you. |
