People from older generations can hum the tune to the back-to-school song, "School days, school days; dear old Golden Rule days. Reading and 'riting and 'rithmetic…" But it's time to update the lyrics. In schools throughout the United States this year, a fourth "R" is being added to lesson plans: Resilience.
Resilience is the ability to adapt well to adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or even significant sources of stress – and even to thrive. That's a key component for today's children, who must adapt to a world full of terrorism threats and attacks, warfare, classroom bullying, and abuse at home.
"The ability to thrive despite these challenges arises from the skills of resilience," said Dr. Russ Newman, executive director for professional practice for the American Psychological Association (APA).
Keys to Bouncing Back
Every day millions of Americans experience disappointment, relationship problems, deadlines, unexpected layoffs, and more. And every day, those same Americans are able to bounce back to function at a healthy, normal level. Children can too.
Research has shown a whole range of behaviors and actions associated with resilience. And while some children might already possess these behaviors, those who don't can learn them and build their resilience. Resilience is for everyone.
Relationships that create love and trust, provide role models, and offer encouragement and reassurance help bolster a person's resilience, according to the APA. In fact, many studies show that the primary factor in resilience is having caring and supportive relationships within and outside the family.
Several additional factors are associated with resilience, including:
- The capacity to make realistic plans and take steps to carry them out
- A positive view of yourself and confidence in your strengths and abilities
- Skills in communication and problem solving
- The capacity to manage strong feelings and impulses
What Resilience Can't Do
"Resilience isn't going to protect kids from unhappiness – that's a normal part of life," said Dr. Newman. "What it will do is inoculate children from the inside out with skills and strategies that will help them face the things that come their way."
By way of analogy, resilience won't keep a cat from falling off the roof. It's what helps that cat land on its feet.
How to Build Resilience
You can help your child learn resilience skills, whether or not it's part of your child's curriculum for the year. You might learn a little more about the fourth "R" yourself!
- Have friends, and be a friend. Lean on friends, family, and school psychologists, and let your friends and family lean on you sometimes.
- Be realistic. Not all will go as you've planned. A certain amount of change is inevitable. Work to redirect those things that can be overcome and to accept what can't be altered.
- Look at problems as detours, not road closures. It's not the end of the world when things don't go as you planned. Look for creative solutions, and keep in mind that stressful situations will usually get less stressful with time.
- Believe in yourself and what you know and can do. Remind yourself what you're good at.
- Take charge of your behavior and actions. Tackle tricky situations head-on; just trying something can boost your self-esteem.
- Look on the bright side. Even the worst experience can teach you something important about yourself.
- Set new goals and make a plan to reach them. Be realistic and realize that reaching goals takes time, but be proud of your achievements along the way.
- Take time for you. Participate in an activity that soothes your soul, such as meditation, journaling, or strolling through a flower garden. Also, be sure to exercise regularly.
An important factor in resilience is realizing when you need help outside of yourself and your family and friends. Many people turn to support groups, online resources, and self-help books. Many also look for help from a higher power. And, of course, you can find help from a licensed mental health professional. |
