Even though you are retired or close to it, your own parents may still be living and in need of your care or assistance. You probably envisioned your retirement as a relaxing and rewarding time in your life. Now that cycle may be interrupted as you return to the parent role, but this time not with your children.
Could This Happen to You?
What would you do if your 90-year-old widowed mother is no longer able to live independently? She is adamant about not wanting to go into a nursing home or care facility. She wants to remain on her own, even though she is often dependent on others for assistance.
Should she live with you? How much would it cost you? Can you provide the constant attention she will need? Can you make sure she takes her medications on time? Do you have the physical strength and energy to care for her? It could be a difficult time. Are you prepared to be a parent to your parent?
Of course, it could be a great time. You could get to know your mother in a way that was never possible before. She may become more positive and active because you are closely involved with her.
Many years ago, your mother made decisions that she deemed best for you. Now you may be in a position to make those important decisions for her. She may not like or agree with your decisions, however, and resist your attempts to do what you think is the best thing.
When It's Time to Care for Your Aging Parents
When dealing with caring for aging parents, you must come to grips with a number of considerations:
- Can your living facilities accommodate someone who may have limited mobility?
- Will there be a need for part- or full-time nursing care? Who will pay for it?
- What for you will be the emotional, physical, and financial demands?
- Are there reasonable alternatives?
- How can you cope with your stress, fatigue, guilt, and even resentment?
You may have to make decisions that could be difficult for everyone. Your doctor, her doctor, social workers, and other healthcare and eldercare professionals can help.
If you try to do everything yourself, you'll probably experience burn out and your own health may be at risk. Find out where to get help, what insurance and governmental agencies can provide, and what changes you will need to make in your home to accommodate someone who has limited mobility. You may need to install ramps, grab bars, and special furniture. |
