Wellness Center

How to Help Kids Cope with Tragedy

With school shootings, bombings, plane crashes, hurricanes, and wars, images of death and destruction are played constantly on TV and are all over the Internet. How can you help your child understand and cope with these overwhelming events?

How Parents Can Help

• Younger children might not understand the implications and extent of tragedies. Don't tell them more than they are ready for. They will let you know if they have questions or want more information. They might ask the same questions over and over. That's okay.

• Spend time with your children, talk with them, and hold them. Your presence is reassuring. Just being there is an important starting point. It helps children feel safe. Let them know that whatever happened is not their fault.

• It's natural for you, the parent, to be upset and saddened by a tragedy. Letting your child see your concern – even tears – is perfectly normal. Assure children, however, that even though it is a very sad situation, you will all cope and carry on with your lives.

• It is also okay to tell kids that there are some people in the world who do terrible things, but that most people are good and caring, like the people they know.

• Make it safe for your children to talk to you. No question or statement is "bad" or "dumb." Children might have a harder time expressing feelings than adults do, so be patient. Answer their questions briefly, if you can. If you don't know the answer – such as to "why did it have to happen?" – tell them that too.

• By witnessing the events on TV, children may feel weak and helpless. You are helpless too. Discuss that aspect of life. Sometimes you can't do anything to stop or change a disaster.

• Don't let young children watch disasters over and over on TV, and never let them watch it without an adult present. It's okay to have them watch a children's program or play computer games while you stay tuned in by radio or on the Internet.

• Older children also need an adult present when they watch the replay of events on TV. Older teens can take action by giving blood, planting memorial trees, or joining a discussion group at school or church.

• Once the initial shock is over, make some time to have fun. Go for a walk, go shopping, find something to laugh about, or visit friends or relatives.

• Reassure your children, but don't make promises or statements you can't back up such as "you'll always be safe with me" or "I would never let anything happen to you." Tell them you will do everything possible to keep them safe. You cannot guarantee more.

• In some cases, children might need counseling at school or from a professional counselor to cope with feelings and fears that persist after a tragedy.

• Keeping up daily routines is reassuring to kids.

Summary

There is no guaranteed “best” approach in this difficult area of parent-child communication. Each child will experience tragedy and emotional stress in a different way. If you stay calm, caring, and patient, your child will feel safer and more comfortable. Answer questions as honestly as you can, and don't be afraid to say, "I don't know."  

Sources:

1. Helping children after a disaster. American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry.

2. How to help kids in times of crisis. iVillage.com.

This information is provided for educational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice or diagnosis of specific medical conditions. You should seek prompt professional medical attention if you have a particular concern about your health or specific symptoms. Wellsource, Inc. is not liable for any health consequences resulting from your use of this site.