You probably spend more waking hours with your co-workers than you do with family and other friends. In most cases you do not choose the people you work with. That can make on-the-job relationships difficult.
Getting Along On the Job
There are many myths and mistaken beliefs about what it takes to get along with your co-workers and supervisors. You may have been (mistakenly) told:
- Avoid conflict at all costs. Conflict is bad.
- Accept the behavior of others, or at least try to ignore what bothers you.
- Do what you're told and you'll get along just fine.
- Don't get angry or upset. Hold it in until after work.
- It's not a good idea to be friendly with your co-workers.
None of these statements is necessarily true.
Studies have shown that people who work together and are friends are more productive than work groups where friendship is not involved. That's the good news.
Friendships can also be risky.
- You can get emotionally hurt if the friendship ends badly.
- You can put your trust in someone who isn't totally trustworthy.
- You can feel "lost" when a friend takes a job somewhere else.
Is there a safe level of friendship at work? Experts say there is.
Sociologist Jan Yager has written, "Casual friends make a valuable contribution by aiding productivity, fostering a greater sense of teamwork, providing a sounding board for your ideas or your projects, and helping you feel as if you are part of a 'family' in the world of work."
Be a Good Friend
If you expect someone to be your friend, be prepared to be a good friend to them. That might include:
- Being a good listener. Show interest in what someone is telling you.
- Keeping confidences (no gossiping). Loose lips sink friendships.
- Being honest. Tell it like it is – tactfully.
- Having fun together – laugh, share lunch – or schedule an activity after work.
- Being considerate. Take his or her feelings into consideration before you act.
What Are the Limits?
To be more accurate, what are your limits?
- Can't concentrate if the noise level is too high?
- Feel like everyone else in the office is too young or too old?
In many cases, there are no rules or guidelines to cover concerns you may have. Is it difficult for you to tell people what your limits are? Take a deep breath and try.
Casual friendships are usually quite safe and pleasant. Be sure that both of you understand the expectations and limits of the relationship.
Common sense would suggest that you be a little careful in establishing friendships. Beware of someone who seems too friendly too soon, or asks too many personal or business-related questions.
Very Close Friendships
What happens when the friendship becomes a romance? Many companies have written or unwritten rules regarding superior-subordinate romances and intimate relationships between co-workers who are already married to someone else.
If you have an intimate relationship with a co-worker, what happens if you have a nasty breakup? Does that make it impossible to keep working together? It might help to consider the possible outcomes before the relationship becomes too close. What happens if you tell a friend intimate personal details and later hear them repeated by someone you hardly know? How do you deal with that "friend"?
Good Friends, Good Work
When your co-workers are also friends, work can be more pleasant as well as more productive.
Take your time. Build your relationships over a period of time. At first, keep the main focus of the friendship on what happens on the job. Ideally, you'll enjoy your job and like your co-workers. Remember that it will also take time and effort to achieve. |
