Year-end holiday celebrations bring college students home, often for the first time since parents and students said tearful goodbyes at the dorm at summer's end.
"Parents often assume their student will spend significant amounts of time with the family, while the student has plans to spend every night visiting old friends," observes William B. Burns, Director of Counseling Services at St. Lawrence University. Home rules and students' new views of freedom often clash and can cause stress during holiday breaks.
Burns offers these strategies to make your holidays with college kids stress-free (or close to it):
- Plan ahead. Parents: Students need a break from academic work. Students: Your parents want to spend time with you. Make sure your plans include your family in some way.
- Give fair warning. Students: Don't just show up on the doorstep with laundry in hand. Let them know when you're coming well ahead of your arrival. Expect to compromise as you split time between various family members and different locations. Let everyone know your plans.
- Set the house rules. Parents and students: Sit down and discuss what the rules have been in the past and how they can be changed to accommodate a student who has been living away from home. Negotiate items such as curfews and who gets the car.
- Grades. Students: Prepare your parents in advance if you know your grades will not meet their expectations. Discuss it, get it out of the way, and then establish times when talk about grades is off limits.
It's Not the Same Anymore
After a week or two at home, your college student might start feeling bored, and possibly lose interest in hanging out with his old high school chums – the ones who didn't go to college or who went away to a different school. Your student might be realizing for the first time that he or she has more in common with college friends. This realization can bring on a sense of loneliness and loss.
How can you help your college-student child? Try scheduling most of your family events at the end of the break instead of at the beginning. A day of skiing or a weekend at Grandma's will be better appreciated in mid-January than between Christmas and New Year's. Parents can also ask their student to not buy holiday gifts – and instead, to set aside time in January for a family event. Ask him or her to take you out for dinner or to take a sibling bowling or to the movies.
And remember: Treasure the time you spend together. |
