Children and teens hear advice all the time – from parents, teachers, peers, and the media, to name just a few. But does any of the advice they hear have an effect on them? Is there anything you can say to your children to help them avoid teen pregnancy?
Talk Early and Often
Your children want to hear from you about sex, love, and relationships. But they want you to talk with them, not at them or down to them. Communicate, don't lecture or threaten. Begin talking with them when they're young, and continue to talk as they mature. If your son or daughter is old enough to ask, they're old enough to receive an honest, age-appropriate answer.
Children hate "the talk" as much as you do. Avoid the talk all together by teaching your children early and often about sexuality (including the meaning of sex, not just the physical facts), relationships, responsibility, values, emotions, and all the rest.
Discuss the difference between love and sex. Talk about all the reasons your children find sex interesting and enticing, and also discuss the dangers and drawbacks of "sex before it's time," and "sex for the wrong reasons." Discuss unplanned pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, but keep your talks balanced. Do not leave the impression that sex is bad or dirty.
Know Your Children
As you talk with your children, include them in the discussion. Find out what they know about love, relationships, and sex. Ask them what worries them; what questions they have. Let them know you value their opinions. Make sure you are an approachable, "askable" parent.
Don't jump to conclusions. If your children ask about contraception, don't assume they're already having sex, or planning to have sex. They may just be curious. Their peers are probably telling them lots of things about sex, and they may want to get the facts from someone they trust. It's best for them to be prepared. Giving children information about sex and birth control doesn't encourage them to become sexually active.
Know Yourself
Before you launch into discussions with your children about sex, take time to clarify your own sexual values and attitudes. What are your values and beliefs about pre-marital sex? Who's responsible for setting sexual limits in a relationship? What do you think about teens using contraception? Were you sexually active as a teen or before marriage? How does that affect your values and perceptions? What values do you want to pass on to your children, and why? Were you in love as a teen? Have your opinions changed since you were your child's age?
Once you've determined your values, don't hesitate to tell your children what you think. It's just as much your right to say, "It's okay to think about sex and have sexual desire. Everybody does. But our belief is that sex should be an expression of love within marriage," as it is to say, "Curfew is 10 p.m." or "In this family, we do not chew with our mouths open, nor do we engage in rude conversation."
When you pass your values along verbally, make sure you're also living those values. Model the behavior you want your children to exhibit. Show your children what a healthy relationship is like. Demonstrate compassion, good communication skills, and responsibility. |
