Talking with your children and adolescents about tough topics like drugs, alcohol, and sex may not be on the top of your list of fun things to do this weekend. Maybe you believe the less they know the better. Maybe.
It May be More Important Than You Think
Kids hear a lot of good and bad information from their friends. They watch television, read magazines, and surf the net. Today's young people have access to just about any information they want.
The only way to make sure you and your child are in touch is to make the time to talk and be together — starting from day one. As a parent, you have the benefit of talking with your child about anything, before they hear it someplace else.
You can be sure that your point of view won't be the only one they hear. Talking about drugs, sex, HIV/AIDS, alcohol, and violence won't be easy, but it is necessary.
Listening: More Difficult than Talking
There is a parental tendency to tell kids, lecture, sometimes yell, and often forget to listen to what children might have to say. If you don't listen to them, their friends will. If you talk openly and honestly with your kids and listen to their concerns, they will be more likely to come to you with questions. You may not always know the answers, but you can probably find information. Don't just say, "I don't know." Say things like, "That's a good question. We'll have to find out," and "I wish I knew the answer. But, I know where to get it. Do you want to research it with me?"
You can initiate questions, "What do you think?" or "What would you do if someone offered you drugs?" Then, listen to their response — even if you don't agree with what they say. You can share your beliefs and values, too, but do it gently. As a parent, you have the opportunity to be the first one to talk with your kids about the important things. It's up to you to take advantage of that opportunity.
What Influence Do You Have?
- Children learn behavior from their parents — it's not just what you say, but also what you do. For example, when parents smoke, their children are much more likely to take up smoking as adolescents and adults.
- Be honest with kids. That doesn't mean you have to share everything or provide every detail in answer to a question. But don't tell them something that's not true. They will eventually find out the truth, and your credibility will suffer.
- Be patient when kids have a hard time saying what they feel or mean. Resist the urge to finish sentences for them or walk away when they aren't finished.
- Tell your kids you don't want them to smoke, drink, or use drugs. Tell them often, and tell them why.
- Be a good example. Telling Billy the evils of alcohol while holding a drink in your hand sends a double message.
- Tell your kids you love them and that you're proud of their achievements.
Summary
There is no substitute for caring, loving, and honest communication between parents and children. Learn to say what you mean, listen to what your child has to say, and spend time together.
When serious problems occur, get professional help. Your doctor, your child's school counselor, or your religious leader might be able to help. |
