You might outlive your spouse and most of your friends and relatives. Does that mean you should not have close relationships in your later years? Not at all. Companionship, friendship, and love are important and good for you at any age. For many seniors, the idea of a new relationship is a difficult and stressful topic to think about or discuss.
The need for companionship is strong at any age. But you might feel too guilty, frightened, or inadequate to pursue new relationships. Telling your children or friends might be even more difficult.
Losing a Spouse Can Be Devastating
When a spouse dies, the remaining partner will go through a period of grieving. The grieving process can last months and sometimes years. But it usually does end. Time spent with friends or building new friendships can make the process a little easier. It is not physically or mentally healthy to spend the rest of your life grieving.
Making new friends and developing close relationships can be more difficult with advancing age, but there are things you can do to help yourself:
- Decide to meet people and make new friends. Make a firm commitment. It's the first step.
- Take the initiative. Introduce yourself, smile, and attend activities where you are likely to meet people.
- Keep trying. You might need to attend a number of activities at different organizations before you find people you want as your friends.
- Nurture new friendships. Phone, write, and plan social activities.
- Become a volunteer at a local organization.
- Join a group or attend a class.
But What Will People Think?
What if you become friends with someone of the opposite sex? What if this friendship becomes very close? Will your children object? Maybe. Will your friends call you an "old fool"? Possibly. Does that mean you shouldn't allow yourself romantic relationships if you're at or near retirement age? In most cases the answer is "no."
Four out of five women over 75 have no partners as a result of divorce or death. Even living with relatives or in a retirement facility can be very lonely.
Finding a friend or soul mate can literally be a lifesaver. There is no requirement that you should be alone for the last 10 or 20 years of your life.
What others think will have an influence on you, it's true. But you're the one who has to decide whether or not to pursue a relationship.
It's Your Life
Whether you are 25, 45, 65, or even 85, developing a close or romantic relationship could be healthy and rewarding. It is your life. But be realistic. Look at the likely outcomes of the situation, things such as:
- Will you need to provide daily care for your new companion?
- Will you need to financially support your new companion?
- Are you physically and emotionally able to meet these new demands?
Take your time and make sure it's the real thing before you run off to Fiji or move in together. Mistakes and heartbreak can happen as easily at 80 as at 20.
You might want to talk with your lawyer about a prenuptial agreement – a document designed to protect estates, heirs, and peace of mind. In many cases, that eases the fears of relatives. And if that cools the romance, so be it.
Many people are capable of and interested in having close, intimate, and even sexual relationships well into old age. Those who remain mentally, physically, and socially active are likely to have better, longer, and happier lives. |
