If you hate the holidays, dread the shopping frenzy, and can't stand the cooking, the wrapping, and the cleaning up, it might be time to take stock of what you want from the holidays and act accordingly, says Herb Rappaport, a clinical psychologist at Temple University and author of Holiday Blues: Rediscovering the Art of Celebration.
"As families evolve and change, so does the nature of how we spend our holidays. What remains constant is the way the blend of love, commitment, energy, and creativity has the power to turn occasions into precious times," he says.
According to Rappaport, anxiety, depression, frustration, and anger are the most common emotional responses to special occasions. He admits that making changes during the holidays, given family pressures, isn't easy. But the rewards can be great.
Rappaport offers his 10 commandments to help improve the quality of celebration:
- Embrace the essence of the holiday. Emphasis on the meaning of celebration takes energy and conviction.
- Exercise choice. Decide if you are going to celebrate, and, if so, how to celebrate.
- Exercise imagination. Let these times become an opportunity to indulge the side of you that goes beyond the humdrum of everyday life.
- Be proactive and implement change.
- Adjust your expectations. If you are constantly let down by celebrations, you need to reorient to the celebration at hand.
- Be present. Allow enough time for the holiday to have meaning.
- Practice altruism. Be generous with others.
- Focus on relationships. Try to understand and accept the taste and needs of others.
- Have patience. Think of celebration as a piece of art that can be worked and reworked until it represents the image you desire.
- Get help. Whether you seek the help of friends, family, or a professional, take action to bring about change, which is what is important.
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