Wellness Center

Alzheimer's — When Your Spouse Becomes a Stranger

If your spouse has Alzheimer’s disease, you’ll become witness to memory lapses and personality changes. Adjustments in the dynamics of your marriage will be necessary. Here are a few you can expect:

• The day will come when your loved one will no longer be able to balance the checkbook or remember how to cook your favorite dessert. At first, you’ll be able to gently remind him or her to complete household tasks, such as taking out the garbage. Eventually, you’ll have to take it out yourself, enlist the help of a friend, or hire someone to do it.



• Be prepared for role reversals, especially if your spouse is “head of the household.” Alzheimer’s will make it impossible for your spouse to remember where the mail is, let alone make important decisions. Before the disease progresses too far, have your spouse show you or your designate where important papers are – such as financial accounts, property deeds, insurance papers, and his or her will. If your spouse stores a lot of information on a computer, find out how to access that information.



• Your relationship will shift from being intimate partners to that of caregiver and patient. It’s normal to grieve the loss of the spousal relationship and to be uncertain as to how to relate to your partner. Do not hesitate to ask your doctor or other health professionals for help. If necessary, they can refer you to professionals or community resources for assistance.



• Your spouse might experience personality changes. He or she might become confused and withdrawn, or disgruntled and combative. You might not know what personality will appear, or when. Your tendency might be to withdraw from your spouse.



• It’s typical for someone with Alzheimer’s to experience changes in desire for sexual intimacy. Some will be less interested, due in part to depression or medications. Others may be more interested, and display inappropriate behavior. Your spouse will benefit from increased physical contact (in the form of hugging, hand holding, stroking, touching, or patting).

Don’t Try it Alone

• As the disease progresses, you might feel isolated. Your spouse is becoming a stranger. In addition, friends and relatives might distance themselves. They might not know what to say to your spouse, so they stay away. Or, you might be too busy to socialize regularly and feel left out. You might need to take the initiative. Let them know you value your relationship with them, explain about Alzheimer’s, and let them know how they can best interact with you and your spouse.



• Some family members might be in denial regarding your spouse’s disease. Others might live too far away to help you. It is important, however, that you receive the support of family. You cannot be the sole care provider for your spouse. To help ease your stress, try having a family meeting where everyone talks about care giving responsibilities, finances, personal feelings, and ways they can support you and your spouse. If possible, divide tasks among you and your children.



• As the disease progresses, you might feel more of a strain on your marriage. This is normal. Patience and flexibility will be key to keeping your sanity. It’s important for you to recognize when you need a break, and turn to friends, relatives, or hired help before you’re at the breaking point.



• Learn all you can about the disease as soon as your spouse is diagnosed. Foreknowledge helps you handle a multitude of changes. Then, if things get too difficult, don’t hesitate to look for assistance — professional or otherwise.

Source:

1. Changes in Relationships. Alzheimer’s Association.

This information is provided for educational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice or diagnosis of specific medical conditions. You should seek prompt professional medical attention if you have a particular concern about your health or specific symptoms. Wellsource, Inc. is not liable for any health consequences resulting from your use of this site.