Alzheimer's impacts more than just the person with the disease. Family and friends also struggle with adjusting to changes in the one they love. It’s even more difficult for children, who can’t quite understand why Grandma or Grandpa doesn’t know who they are.
In addition, their parents the other grandparent are stressed, and possibly distracted with care giving issues. Children feel a host of emotions: confusion, feeling neglected, sadness, jealous, guilt, fear, embarrassment, and frustration.
How can you help your children cope with the changes that Alzheimer's has brought to the family, and prepare for the changes yet to come?
- Give your children age-appropriate explanations of what’s happening to their loved one. You might say, “Grandma is sick. She has a disease that makes her think she’s a little girl again. It’s not like a cold: Only Grandma has it, and no one else can catch it from her. You don’t need to worry about Mommy and Daddy forgetting who you are!”
- Encourage your child to ask questions, and to express how they feel. Let them know that what they’re feeling is normal, that you understand, and that you love them.
- Reinforce fond memories. Look through old photo albums, and recall stories of their loved one. If possible, share stories that show how much their grandma loves them, “even though she can’t show you any more.” Children will enjoy stories of how Grandma held them and sang to them or how she always baked their favorite cookies. If those kinds of stories aren’t possible, tell your child about the kind of mom Grandma was to her children. Include humorous stories, as well as empathetic ones.
- Develop a memory book. It can be similar to a scrapbook, a journal, or a collection of drawings your children do of their favorite times with her. If your children are young, you can write down what they say.
- Keep your children's life at home as routine as possible. Continue their participation in sports, clubs, or other groups. Continue piano or ballet lessons. Assign chores (such as folding laundry) and do them with your children.
- Once in a while, do something just for your children. Help them put a puzzle together. Order pizza and watch a movie snuggling under an afghan. Plan for friends to sleepover, if appropriate.
- Exercise with your children. It will help relieve some of the stress you’re both feeling, as well as give you extra time together. Listen to their kind of music and jump around the room; then put on your favorite music and teach them a few dance steps. Walk to the playground and go down the slide with your children.
- Help your children understand about their loved one’s limitations. People with later-stage Alzheimer's have reduced cognitive function and impaired motor skills. They need a lot of supervision while they can still get around. Your children’s loved one will be negatively affected by loud noises, sudden movements, or other disruptions. They’ll be unpredictable, and maybe not always nice.
- Figure out a way for your children to appropriately show love. You could say, “Even if Grandma doesn’t remember who we are, she’ll probably enjoy some pretty flowers. Let’s pick a bouquet together.”
|
